Distinguished Professor of Leadership & Organizational Behaviour e Direttore dell’High Performance Leadership Program all’IMD (Losanna, Singapore, Shenzhen). Già negoziatore di ostaggi e psicologo clinico, autore di bestseller pluripremiati: ‘Hostage at the Table’ (in Italia ‘La scienza della negoziazione’) e ‘Care to Dare’ (pubblicato in Italiano nel 2024).
Interview with George Kohlriese by Violena Paci
In your vision, what is the main difference between a manager and a leader, given the same organizational role? And between a successful leader and one who fails?
In my experience, the difference lies in MINDSET and RELATIONAL DEPTH.
A manager administers—maintains systems, follows structure, and ensures order. But a leader? A leader inspires. A leader connects deeply with people, focuses on human potential, and challenges the status quo. Where managers ask “how” and “when,” leaders ask “what” and “why.” In
The contrast between a successful leader and one who fails often hinges on the presence or absence of SECURE BASES.
Successful leaders know how to form strong bonds of trust, which allow them to challenge their teams without causing fear. They see the potential in others and dare them to grow. Leaders who fail often lack this bond. They may be driven, but without TRUST AND CONNECTION, they alienate or exhaust those around them.
Secure Base Leadership is what makes the difference—it’s not just about doing things right, but doing the right things with HEART and COURAGE.
Why, despite many theories suggesting otherwise, do many leadership models still rely on firmness, discipline, and authoritarianism, while avoiding dialogue between adults and knowledgeable individuals?
Unfortunately, many leadership models are still rooted in CONTROL and FEAR.
In crisis or high-pressure environments, leaders can default to what they know—rigid structures and top-down command.
This often stems from a deep misunderstanding of authority.
But true leadership requires the courage to engage in DIALOGUE, to co-create solutions, and to be emotionally available.
AUTHORITARIAN LEADERSHIP may seem effective in the short term, but it silences innovation and disengages people. I’ve seen it happen time and again in organizations.
Leaders avoid dialogue not because they don’t value intelligence, but because they fear VULNERABILITY.
Real dialogue requires you to let go of control, to listen, and to be changed by what you hear. That takes strength, not weakness.
There is much theory regarding the role of intrinsic motivations such as learning, challenge, contribution, personal growth, and the relationship with one’s leader, compared to things like bonuses, promotions, and – in general – the same HR strategies. What is your opinion on this?
Yes, I deeply believe that intrinsic motivation is the foundation of sustainable performance: People are not inspired by money alone. They are driven by purpose, connection, and challenge. When leaders focus only on external rewards—bonuses, titles, promotions—they miss what truly engages people: FEELING SEEN, RESPECTED, and VALUED.
If you treat people like humans instead of resources, they respond with loyalty, creativity, and passion.
In my work with leaders around the world, I’ve witnessed how much more committed and energized people become when they feel their leader believes in them.
It’s not the HR strategy that makes the difference—it’s the RELATIONSHIP.
Leaders should connect emotionally, and tap into people’s desire to learn and grow.
That’s where real engagement lives.
How have your experiences as a hostage negotiator, as well as your background as a clinical psychologist, contributed to your leadership philosophy?
My time as a hostage negotiator and clinical psychologist shaped everything I believe about leadership. In a hostage situation, you learn quickly that it’s not about POWER—it’s about CONNECTIONS. You have to bond with someone, even if they’re holding a weapon.
That bond, that human connection, is what opens the door to INFLUENCE. This is exactly what leaders must do. Whether in boardrooms or on the streets, influence comes through empathy, listening, and UNDERSTANDING WHAT DRIVES BEHAVIOUR.
I’ve worked with people in deep crisis, and I’ve learned that most destructive behaviour comes from unresolved pain and loss. Leaders need to recognize this—not only in others but in themselves.
That’s why my leadership philosophy centres on people and purpose: when we lead from connection and care, we also unlock performance and results.
What role does PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY play in the process of learning and professional growth?
Psychological safety is absolutely essential.
If people feel threatened, their brain shuts down curiosity and creativity. In that state, learning and growth cannot occur. A Secure Base—whether it’s a person or a culture—deactivates the brain’s fear response and opens the door to development.
In my experience, the most successful teams are not just the smartest. They are the ones where people feel they can speak up, admit mistakes, and explore new ideas without fear. That safety fosters resilience, innovation, and sustained performance.
When leaders create ENVIRONMENTS OF TRUST, they give people the freedom to become who they are meant to be.
It is often said that there is no place for caring for people, in today’s corporate organizations. Can we afford not to care?
We cannot afford not to care. Caring is not soft—it’s strategic. When leaders show authentic care, they create loyalty, trust, and psychological safety. This is what drives long-term success.
Organizations that fail to care may get short-term results, but they also create BURNOUT, DISENGAGEMENT, and TURNOVER.
I’ve seen the damage caused by uncaring leaders. In one tragic case, a CEO took his own life after being isolated and bullied by a domineering board. That pain could have been prevented.
Caring creates the conditions for courage. It humanizes the workplace. And when people feel cared for, they are more willing to commit, to innovate, and to go the extra mile. In today’s world, caring isn’t optional—it’s a COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE.
What is a SECURE BASE, from what assumptions does this concept arise, and what mental mechanisms are involved?
A Secure Base, as I define it, is any person, place, goal, or object that provides a sense of safety, protection, and care—and at the same time inspires courage, risk-taking, and exploration.
The idea is rooted in the attachment theory work of John Bowlby, who discovered that children always return to a “secure base” for reassurance when faced with fear or uncertainty. In adult life, that mechanism still operates.
Secure Bases activate what I call the “SAFETY/RISK PARADOX”—they help shut down our brain’s fear responses and free us to focus on reward, growth, and potential.
Mentally, Secure Bases influence the “MIND’S EYE”—the internal lens through which we interpret the world. They anchor us in times of stress and allow us to see possibilities where others might only see threats. Secure Bases serve as a reference point that encourages RESILIENT and GOAL FOCUS even under pressure.
When someone has a strong Secure Base, they become significantly more resilient, more innovative, and more daring in the face of adversity.
How can we discover OUR OWN past and present Secure Bases
Discovering your own Secure Bases starts with REFLECTION.
Ask yourself: who in your life has given you both care and challenge? Who inspired you to stretch while still making you feel safe? Think of people like a supportive parent, a coach, a mentor, a teacher—anyone who believed in you, especially during moments of failure or fear. These are your PEOPLE-based Secure Bases.
Then think about your GOALS—like running a marathon, becoming a better leader, or even writing a book. If that goal gave you strength and inspiration, it too is a Secure Base.
Also look at your ROUTINES, PLACES, OBJECTS, and MEMORIES. Even something like journaling, meditation, or a favourite hiking trail can act as a Secure Base.
And it’s not static—Secure Bases can change throughout your life. They can be lost and found again.
What matters is that you keep replenishing them.
Without them, you become emotionally vulnerable and risk falling into a HOSTAGE MINSITE, where fear or grief takes control of your narrative.
How do our PAST EXPERIENCES and CHILDHOOD shape our ability to create or recognize a Secure Base?
Our early childhood experiences are the BLUEPRINT for our Secure Base patterns. Our attachment to parents or caregivers builds our mental models—our expectations for love, support, and safety.
If we were bonded well, we often grow up with the confidence to trust others and seek out new Secure Bases.
If that bonding was missing or traumatic, we might struggle to trust, become overly self-reliant, or avoid vulnerability altogether.
But here’s the good news: WE ARE NOT FOREVER IMPRISONED by those early patterns. Neuroscience shows the brain can rewire itself. Through intentional experiences—especially with new Secure Bases—we can form new attachments and develop healthier beliefs about trust, safety, and success.
This is especially important in leadership. Leaders must become Secure Bases for others, but to do that authentically, they first need to understand and strengthen their own foundation.
How can a Secure Base help people overcome feelings of insecurity or fear of failure? What’s the connection with EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE?
A Secure Base provides both protection and inspiration. As I mentioned earlier, when we are anchored by someone or something we deeply trust, our brain shifts away from threat detection and survival mode. Instead, we can focus on goals, creativity, and possibilities. This shift allows us to override insecurity and fear of failure. That’s what I mentioned earlier as the “SAFETY/RISK PARADOX”—you feel safe enough to dare greatly.
Emotional resilience is built through REPETED EXPERIENCES with Secure Bases.
Resilience is not simply about toughness; it’s the ability to recover, refocus, and reengage after adversity.
Our Secure Bases—whether they are people, goals, or even inner beliefs—help us bounce back. They provide a consistent sense of “you are not alone,” and “you can do this”.
Without Secure Bases people often become hostages to their fears, unable to move beyond past pain or failure.
One of the most remarkable transformations I see in leaders comes when they identify, reconnect with, or even create new Secure Bases. With that support, they begin to see failure not as a dead end, but as part of growth.
That’s EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE IN ACTION: the FREEDOM TO TRY AGAIN because you know you are not alone.
How to identify one’s own PROFESSIONAL Secure Base?
To find your professional Secure Base, ask: Who in your career has believed in you, supported you, and challenged you? Who saw your potential before you did? These are the people who helped you stretch while giving you a safety net. It might be a mentor, a boss, a colleague—or even a client—someone who showed you both care and courage.
Professional Secure Bases often emerge during moments of vulnerability—transitions, setbacks, promotions. They are the ones who make you feel, “I can step into this challenge because I know someone’s got my back.”
These relationships aren’t just supportive; they are CATALYTIC. They help us move from self-doubt to self-belief.
A Secure Base may be a shared goal or mission that gives purpose and energy.
If you’re unsure who yours are, think about the voices that echo in your head when you face a challenge—the ones who say, “You’ve got this,” or “I believe in you.” Those are your Secure Bases. Sometimes, the memory of a mentor, even one who has passed on, can continue to be a strong professional anchor.
What is the impact of having or not a Secure Base on our own well-being? Are there also any neurological effects?
The presence—or absence—of a Secure Base affects every level of our being.
As we noted earlier, with Secure Bases, our mental focus shifts from fear to growth. We experience less anxiety, more motivation, and better physical health.
Neurologically, Secure Bases help calm the amygdala, the brain’s threat centre, and allow the PREFRONTAL CORTEX—the seat of executive function and creativity—to take charge.
Without Secure Bases, we become overly focused on avoiding danger, and our potential shrinks. We become risk-averse, withdrawn, or overly aggressive.
That’s why some high-performing professionals suddenly collapse under stress. They lack a Secure Base to keep them anchored. Their motivation falters, not because of lack of skill, but because the emotional foundation is missing. On the flip side, those who have Secure Bases show higher EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE better COLLABORATION, and stronger WELL-BEING.
What PSYCHOLOGICAL SIGNS indicate a person has or has not found a strong Secure Base?
You can see the presence or absence of a Secure Base in a person’s BEHAVIOUR and ENERGY.
When someone has a strong Secure Base, they display openness, resilience, and courage. They are more likely to take risks, express their ideas, and bounce back from failure. They also exhibit emotional self-regulation—they’re less likely to lash out or shut down under pressure.
Their body language is confident yet approachable.
By contrast, people without Secure Bases often struggle with fear of rejection, over-defensiveness, or the inability to ask for help. They may exhibit perfectionism, avoidance behaviours, or become controlling. Internally, they may feel alone—even in a crowd. They don’t trust others easily, and their relationships are often transactional or shallow.
One simple psychological sign? Anxiety. When someone is overwhelmed by anxiety – about change, performance, or relationships – it often points to a missing or weak Secure Base.
That’s why part of my work with leaders is helping them explore their emotional history and current attachments, and guiding them to build new Secure Bases where needed.
Are there cultural or individual DIFFERENCES in how people perceive or build a Secure Base? For example, do certain personality traits make it harder to rely on a Secure Base? How can an effective Secure Base be created for someone who struggles to trust others?
Absolutely, both cultural context and personality traits deeply influence how people perceive and form Secure Bases.
In some CULTURES, independence and emotional restraint are highly valued, which can make it harder to openly seek or offer emotional support.
Others, like many collectivist societies, naturally emphasize interdependence and community bonds, which more easily foster Secure Base dynamics.
From a psychological perspective, individual ATTACHMENT STYLE – formed early in life – play a huge role.
For example, someone with an AVOIDANT-DISMISSIVE style might appear strong and independent, but in reality, they may fear closeness and struggle to trust others.
Conversely, those with an ANXIOUS style might cling to others, driven by fear of abandonment, which can also complicate healthy Secure Base relationships.
To help someone who STRUGGLE WITH trust, the key is CONCISTENCY and PRESENCE.
You don’t force trust—you earn it over time through calmness, acceptance, and modelling the behaviours of a Secure Base.
Sometimes, just LISTENING without judgment can begin the healing process.
Eventually, when they feel seen and not judged, even the most guarded individuals can open up to connection and begin to rewire their emotional patterns.
What should we start with if we want to be a Secure Base FOR OTHER PEOPLE?
Start with SELF-AWARENESS.
You cannot be a Secure Base for others if you don’t have your own. That means understanding your own attachment style, your emotional triggers, and your capacity for both care and challenge.
From there, it’s about mastering some typical BEVIOURS of Secure Base Leaders—staying calm, listening deeply, seeing potential, and daring people to grow.
Being a Secure Base means creating emotional safety. It’s about being reliable, emotionally available, and non-judgmental. But it’s also about CHALLENGING PEOPLE to step up—to take risks and move out of their comfort zone.
This is the “CARE TO DARE” formula. It’s not one or the other – it’s both at the same time. And this balance requires practice and intention.
Start by showing up. Be present. Make eye contact. Listen not just to words but to emotions. When you do speak, offer affirmation, and ask questions that help the person see their own strength.
Sometimes, being a Secure Base simply means holding a space for someone to discover who they really are.
Could you synthetize the characteristics of an effective Secure Base LEADER?
An effective Secure Base Leader embodies nine characteristics:
- staying calm under pressure
- accepting individuals unconditionally
- seeing others’ potential
- using listening and inquiry
- delivering powerful messages
- focusing on the positive
- encouraging risk-taking
- inspiring through intrinsic motivation
- signalling accessibility.
To be a Secure Base as a leader means being the person others can count on in both crisis and calm. You create an environment where people feel EMOTIONALLY SAFE —and then you CHALLENGE them to stretch beyond what they think is possible. That balance is what I call the “SWEET SPOT” of leadership. It’s not about being soft; it’s about being strong in the right way—strong in trust, strong in vision, strong in belief in others.
Secure Base Leaders are not perfect. But they are EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT. They manage their own fear, regulate their emotions, and model courage. They turn performance into personal growth and work into a meaningful journey.
Ultimately, they give people both ROOTS and WINGS—belonging and the bravery to fly.
Supporting and caring, therefore, is not enough: a leader must also “dare” Could you elaborate on this point?
What exactly does a ‘playing to win mindset’ mean to you?
How to create a virtuous and effective BALANCE between emotional support and the push to overcome limits without causing anxiety or dependency?
The balance between caring and daring is what we have earlier called the “SAFETY/RISK PARADOX.” As a Secure Base Leader, you must provide emotional safety that calms the brain’s fear responses, while at the same time encouraging challenge, exploration, and growth.
If you only care without daring, you create dependency and comfort zones.
If you only dare without care, you provoke anxiety, defensiveness, and burnout.
The magic happens in the integration, where people feel SAFE ENOUGH TO TAKE RISKS.
A “PLAYING TO WIN” mindset is grounded in courage and connection. It means believing that together, we can achieve great things. It’s about not facing challenges with fear, but with focus. Leaders who play to win remain bonded to their teams while setting stretch goals and focusing on high performance. They keep their own and others’ “MIND’S EYE” focused on possibilities, not problems.
This approach sustains both relationships and results over the long term.
I always tell leaders: your job isn’t to rescue people from discomfort—it’s to create the trust that helps them find strength in it.
That’s how growth happens. It’s not easy, especially under pressure, but it is the hallmark of leadership.
Can you share an EXAMPLE of a leader who you saw embody the concept of Secure Base in an exemplary way?
Yes, a participant in our High-Performance Leadership program at IMD, Alexandra, a senior leader in a global tech company. Her Secure Base was a mentor named Ben, a father figure who believed in her when she doubted herself. When Ben passed away, Alexandra was devastated. But instead of crumbling, she tapped into the deep bond and guidance he had provided and found new strength in that legacy.
Another public example is Ted Kennedy Sr., who once helped his son, Ted Jr., learn to sled down a hill despite having lost a leg.
He could have told his son to wait until next year, but instead, he said, “Even if it takes all day, we’re going to do it.” That moment combined care, courage, presence, and belief. His words and actions permanently reshaped his son’s self-perception.
That is Secure Base Leadership in action and these examples show that Secure Base Leaders are not defined by grand gestures, but by consistent belief in others and the courage to call them into their potential, even when it’s hard.
How Secure Base leaders promote high and sustainable performance?
As I mentioned earlier, high and sustainable performance flows from the nine characteristics of Secure Base Leadership.
When leaders embody these behaviours, they create emotional bonds that support resilience and trust, while also maintaining a clear focus on performance and accountability. Such leaders, as we noted, communicate, “I see who you are—and I know you can be more.”
This model produces what I call “HEALTHY HIGH PERFORMANCE”—achievement that is sustainable and positive for the individuals involved, not just the bottom line.
What’s the role of TRUST in the creation of a Secure Base? How can a leader earn it, and how can a team’s trust be restored if the Secure Base has been compromised?
Trust is the foundation of a Secure Base.
Without trust, there can be no emotional safety, only compliance, fear, or detachment. Especially in times of crisis, trust is what holds people together.
As leaders, we build trust by being predictable, emotionally available, and genuinely caring. We must communicate, both explicitly and implicitly, that we are acting in the best interests of others, even when hard decisions must be made.
To restore trust when it’s broken, a leader must acknowledge the breach, without defensiveness. Rebuilding trust involves transparency, consistent behaviour over time, and a willingness to re-engage in bonding. You must show you’re willing to listen, to apologize when needed, and to demonstrate vulnerability.
The BONDING CYCLE—attachment, bonding, separation, grief, and renewal—must be consciously revisited.
In crisis, your presence as a trusted Secure Base must be felt even more strongly. Show empathy. Offer clarity and containment.
And remember that trust is less about grand gestures and more about repeated, small moments of emotional attunement and reliability.
How can leaders improve their LISTENING and EMOTIONAL SUPPORT skills, without being overly protective or paternalistic?
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Listening is a radical act of leadership. To truly listen is to say, “I see you, I value you.”
Leaders improve their listening by practicing SILENCE—not rushing to fix, advise, or redirect. Instead, they ask POWERFUL QUESTIONS that uncover deeper emotions and motivations. Emotional support isn’t about solving someone’s problem. It’s about BEING PRESENT with them as they find their own way through it.
To avoid being paternalistic, focus on EMPOWERMENT.
A Secure Base doesn’t rescue—it encourages autonomy within a framework of care.
Let people wrestle with their own challenges, but stay close enough that they feel supported.
This way, you’re not diminishing their strength—you’re helping them discover it.
One of the most powerful tools in your Secure Base toolkit is THE ART OF ASKING: “How are you experiencing this?” or “What do you feel is possible here?”
These open up space for growth rather than dependency.
In HIGH-PRESSURE work environments, how can a leader encourage people to step out of their comfort zones and push for challenging results without causing anxiety or resistance?
The key is to establish safety BEFORE introducing stretch.
Think of it like climbing—you never push a climber to go higher until their safety rope is secure.
In leadership, the “rope” is the EMOTIONAL BOND. When people feel anchored in trust and psychological safety, they’re more willing to take risks because they know they won’t be shamed or punished for failing.
You must also model COMPOSOR under stress. When you remain calm and optimistic, even in chaos, your team mirrors that state.
Avoid overwhelming people with unrealistic demands. Instead, stretch them incrementally, always reinforcing your belief in their potential. This combination of BELIEF and EXPECTATION creates motivation without anxiety.
And remember, support is not softness. It’s a platform from which courage can launch.
Secure Base Leaders challenge people to do more by first showing them that THEY ARE ENOUGH.
What is the importance of facing FAILURE, and what strategies do you recommend for helping people overcome the fear of it, and grow from it?
Failure is a crucial teacher. Without facing failure, there can be no true resilience.
Don’t shield people from failure—but help people interpret it correctly.
When someone fails, your role is to help them separate their identity from the result: “You are not your mistake.” Then, help them extract the learning: “What would you do differently next time?”.
We also must normalize failure as part of innovation. In organizations where failure is stigmatized, people become risk-averse and disengaged. But when failure is seen as feedback, it becomes fuel.
You can foster this mindset by sharing your own failures as a leader—showing that setbacks are part of growth, not signs of weakness.
One powerful tool I use in leadership development is reflection.
After a failed initiative, ask your team: “What surprised you? What did you learn? What’s the next bold step?”
This not only reframes failure but transforms it into momentum.
What are the main challenges of a REMOTE WORK environment?
Remote work presents a unique challenge because the physical cues that build emotional bonding—eye contact, body language, spontaneous conversations—are harder to access.
That said, virtual spaces require more INTENTIONALLY.
As a leader, you must consciously foster emotional connection, maintain psychological safety, and ensure accessibility—even from a distance.
In distributed teams, leaders must over-communicate clarity and care.
Schedule regular one-on-ones, not just to track performance, but to ask: “How are you, really?”
The virtual space can become a place of real connection when you signal consistent availability, demonstrate empathy, and provide opportunities for shared purpose.
Digital tools don’t replace relationships, but they can support them when used with intention.
The greatest danger in remote work is invisibility, not just physical, but emotional.
Leading remotely requires to ensure that no one feels alone, even when they are geographically isolated.
It’s not the distance that breaks the bond, it’s the absence of meaningful engagement.
What is the role of BONDING and how to manage them?
Bonding is an EMOTIONAL GLUE.
It’s the process of forming deep attachments that generate more energy than either person could create alone.
Unlike friendship, bonding in leadership is about mutual trust and shared growth. It’s emotional, but PURPOSEFUL. You don’t bond just to be liked—you bond so the other can feel secure enough to dare.
Managing bonds means respecting their LIFE CYCLE.
A Secure Base leader doesn’t cling; it supports growth and lets people go when it’s time.
If a leader holds too tightly, they create dependence. If they hold too loosely, they risk abandonment.
HEALTHY BONDS EVOLVE. They deepen, stretch, and eventually release, leaving behind strength and self-belief.
And let’s be clear—bonding doesn’t mean avoiding conflict.
In fact, deep bonds often enable PRODUCTIVE CONFLICT: the presence of trust allows people to disagree without destructiveness. That’s when bonding becomes not just emotional, but strategic.
On CONFLICT, would you illustrate your metaphors of “the fish on the table”?
Ah yes, one of my favourite metaphors from my time in Sicily. “Putting the fish on the table” is about NAMING THE CONFLICT, bringing it into the open rather than hiding it beneath the surface. In the fish markets, fishermen bring in their catch and clean it right there on the table. It’s messy. It smells. But it’s NECESSARY.
Conflict is the same. If we leave it hidden, it rots and poisons the environment.
“Cleaning the fish” means working through the conflict with honesty and care.
It’s not about attacking the other person; it’s about TACKLING THE ISSUES.
It requires respect, curiosity, and the willingness to hear uncomfortable truths.
Sometimes the fish is small: a misunderstanding. Sometimes it’s a whale: a betrayal or a major systemic issue. Either way, you cannot cook what you do not clean.
The beauty of this metaphor is that it reminds us: conflict isn’t something to fear. It’s something to process.
And if you do, it can lead to a rich “meal” at the end—a stronger relationship, a clearer path, and a renewed sense of trust.
We often neglect DIALOGUE, or block it in various ways.
How can we How can we become aware of it? What is the power of dialogue, and how can we improve it?
We BLOCK dialogue every time we default to monologue. When we’re thinking about what to say next instead of truly listening, or when we dismiss, judge, or interrupt, we shut the door to real conversation.
EMOTIONAL DEFENSIVENESS, ASSUMPTIONS, and LACK OF CURIOSITY are the most common dialogue BLOCKERS. These come from fear, fear of being wrong, of losing control, or of revealing vulnerability.
To recognize these blocks, look for the signs: Do people shut down around you? Do conversations feel like debates? Do you walk away feeling unheard or misunderstood? These are cues that the dialogue was one-sided or unsafe.
To UNBLOCK dialogue, we have to re-centre on BONDING and TRUST.
Ask more questions. Listen with the intent to understand, not to reply. Be comfortable with silence—it often precedes insight.
Dialogue, when authentic, is transformational.
It’s the BRIDGE between minds, and between hearts. Dialogue is the lifeblood of relationship-building and transformation. It’s through true dialogue—not debate or monologue—that we understand, grow, and connect.
The POWER OF DIALOGUE lies in its capacity to build trust, surface hidden emotions, and create shared meaning.
In leadership, dialogue is essential because it opens space for vulnerability without fear. It’s how we show we care, and how we challenge without threatening.
To improve dialogue, we must first identify and remove the common blocks—judgment, defensiveness, and emotional reactivity. Then we must replace them with the HABITS OF GREAT DIALOGUE: listening deeply, asking powerful open-ended questions, and pausing to let silence speak.
Dialogue is not about convincing; it’s about connecting. When people feel heard, they feel valued—and that builds the foundation for HIGH TRUST and HIGH PERFORMANCE.
Leaders who master dialogue model curiosity and compassion. They don’t dominate with answers, they co-create solutions. That’s what inspires loyalty, innovation, and emotional commitment.
In your vision Secure Base Leadership is not just a set of skills; it is primarily a WAY OF BEING. How can we embody it?
You’re absolutely right—Secure Base Leadership isn’t just what you do, it’s who you are.
It begins with how you see yourself and others.
Do you see potential? Do you believe in the power of connection? Do you trust that people want to grow, and that your role is to help them unlock that growth?
Embodying Secure Base Leadership means making this belief system your DEFAULT MINDSET.
To live this way, you must commit to personal development.
That includes understanding your own attachment style, regulating your emotional state, and consistently offering both care and challenge.
It’s about SELF-AWARENESS, HUMILITY, and the WILLINGNESS TO CHANGE—even when it’s hard.
You develop this “way of being” through deliberate practice, reflection, and the courage to face your own internal hostages—the limiting beliefs that hold you back.
When you embody Secure Base Leadership, people don’t just follow you—they grow because of you. You become the kind of leader who helps others rediscover their own greatness.
What are the main CHALLENGES?
One of the greatest challenges is UNLEARNING THE MYTHS ABOUT POWER.
Many leaders believe they must always have the answers, always be strong, and never show vulnerability. This mindset blocks bonding.
Another common challenge is dealing with UNRESOLVED PERSONAL PAIN – grief, trauma, or past failures – which can keep a leader in a psychological hostage state.
You cannot be a Secure Base for others if you are trapped yourself.
Another challenge is BALANCING CARE AND CHALLENGE
Some leaders are too soft and avoid tough conversations. Others are overly tough and forget the importance of emotional safety.
Finding the “SWEET SPOT” of Secure Base Leadership—where both bonding and boldness are present—requires EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, SITUATIONAL AWERENESS, and CONTINUOUS LEARNING.
And finally, Secure Base Leadership requires PATIENCE.
Change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time to build trust, shift culture, and help people step into their potential. The leaders who succeed are the ones who stay the course—and keep showing up with care, clarity, and courage.
Did you observe cases of leaders who LACKED THEIR OWN SECURE BASE?
Yes, far too often.
Many high-level executives I’ve worked with reached positions of authority while lacking deep, emotional secure bases in their lives. They had strong attachments to goals—status, results, success—but had little or no bonding to people.
Without that RELATIONAL FOUNDATION, their leadership styles often veered toward detachment, dominance, or even emotional coldness. They played to win, yes—but often at the cost of psychological health and deep fulfilment.
One striking example is Pascal, a brilliant executive who suffered from a childhood devoid of nurturing bonds. He became an expert in Analysis & Decision Making, but his relationships were transactional. His team respected him, but few trusted him emotionally. Through coaching and reflection, he came to see how the absence of secure bases in his upbringing had shaped his leadership style. Only then could he begin to rebuild, both personally and professionally.
We often talk about leaders as “self-made,” but this is a myth.
Every great leader I’ve known has stood on the shoulders of secure bases—people or goals that anchored and inspired them.
Without those anchors, leaders may survive, but they rarely thrive.
What SIGNS should a leader look for, to understand if the Secure Base they’ve created is weakening?
The signs are subtle but clear.
When a Secure Base is strong, you see energy, creativity, openness, and risk-taking in your team. People engage fully. They communicate candidly. They trust you to both support and challenge them.
But when that base begins to weaken, the SYMPTOMS SHOW UP FAST: people retreat emotionally, defensiveness increases, innovation stalls, and passive compliance replaces bold initiative.
Watch for fear-based behaviour—blame, silence, excessive caution.
These are red flags that your team no longer feels emotionally safe. It could mean that they don’t trust your intentions, or that you’ve become too focused on performance and forgotten to nurture relationships.
REBUILDING starts with HUMILITY and INQUIRY.
Ask your people: “How safe do you feel speaking up? Do you feel stretched and supported here?”
Then really listen.
A Secure Base isn’t static, it must be RENEWED CONSTANTLY through presence, empathy, and belief in others.
How would you summarize your best advices to a leader seeking to be a Secure Base for his team?
My advices?
“Care deeply. Dare boldly. Show up fully.” That’s the essence of Secure Base Leadership.
Be the person who sees greatness in others—especially when they don’t see it in themselves. Stay calm under pressure. Be the presence that anchors and inspires.
And above all, never forget that leadership is not about control—it’s about connection.
Also, be aware of YOU OWN INNER LANDSCAPE. You cannot give what you do not have.
Strengthen your own secure bases, reflect on your attachment style, and do the work of personal growth.
From that place, your leadership becomes not just more effective—but more human”.
Much of your thinking focuses on psychological principles, which are fundamental values of organizational life: the power of relationships, trust, and emotional safety. How do they affect the realms of COMPETENCY LEARNING & DEVELOPMENT, and TALENT MANAGEMENT?
Relationships and trust are the very SCAFFOLDING of L&D. As we noted earlier, when people feel safe, their brains shift from survival to exploration mode. This creates the conditions for optimal learning. A secure base—whether a leader, a peer, or even a shared mission—acts as an emotional anchor that ENCOURAGES people to stretch and try new things, without fear of judgment.
In TALENT MANAGEMENT, leaders can unlock exceptional potential. Not just identifying skills—but nurturing them. Challenging with care and providing feedback that builds rather than breaks.
Leaders can actively shape the “mind’s eye” of others, shifting it from fear to potential, FROM DOUBT TO COURAGE. This fuels not just competency development, but character growth as well.
This is why I say leadership is not about control—it’s about connection.
You can’t manage talent without understanding the EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL CONTEXT in which that talent must grow.
Leaders should make the invisible drivers of performance—beliefs, bonds, and motivation—visible and actionable.
According to your approach, careful observation of individual abilities creates opportunities for development, and constructive feedback is essential for a person to want to go beyond their limits.
How can we use FEEDBACK and SKILLS ASSESSMENT to foster a growth mindset, without triggering insecurity?
It begins with intention.
When we give FEEDBACK from a mindset of care and belief in potential, it is received as guidance, not criticism. The key is that constructive feedback should not focus on what went wrong—but on WHAT WAS LEARNED and WHAT COULD BE BETTER.
This approach reinforces a GROWTH MINDSET, as described by Carol Dweck: THE BELIEF THAT ABILITIES CAN BE DEVELOPED through effort and learning.
SKILLS ASSESSMENT, when combined with REAL CONVERSATION, becomes a tool for self-discovery. Ask questions like, “Where do you feel you’re growing most right now?” and “What challenge would stretch you next?”
Framing it within a CONTEXT OF SAFETY AND ASPIRATION helps people see their abilities as evolving, not fixed.
Leaders should foster A CULTURE WHERE FEEDBACK IS A GIFT—something that affirms worth, while challenging potential. This isn’t easy in performance-driven cultures, but it’s the only way to SUSTAIN GROWTH WITHOUT UNDERMINING CONFIDENCE.
How can the creation of a secure bond support individuals in an UPSKILLING context?
upskilling can trigger FEAR—of being left behind, of not measuring up, or of exposing incompetence. A secure bond neutralizes that fear.
When people know their leader sees them, supports them, and believes in them, they’re more willing to embrace change and push through discomfort. Again, the brain shifts from “threat” to “reward” orientation—and learning becomes exciting instead of intimidating.
In practical terms, this means leaders must STAY CLOSE during times of learning.
Offer encouragement. Acknowledge the struggle. Share your own growth journey.
Most importantly, don’t rescue—empower.
Let people feel the stretch, but stand nearby, signalling your trust in their ability to succeed.
The BOND becomes the BRIDGE. It links the CURRENT SELF to the POSSIBLE SELF.
That’s why the most effective UPSKILLING STRATEGIES are not just technical—they’re RELATIONAL.
Self-awareness and resilience are key skills in overcoming the vulnerability that comes in undergoing a professional RESKILLING process. What advice would you give?
Fear is natural. The challenge is not to eliminate it—but to transform it.
My advice begins with naming the fear.
Write it down. Say it out loud. “Put the fish on the table”—as I say. Then ask: what is the cost of not changing? What might be possible if you face this fear? And who can walk with you on this journey—who are your secure bases?
Then, act.
Action is the antidote to fear. SMALL STEPS lead to confidence.
VISUALIZATION also helps—see yourself succeeding, even before you do.
And reflect on past moments where you grew through change. Let those MEMORIES be secure bases too.
Our brain is built to resist risk—but with enough secure bases, we can override that instinct and embrace opportunity.
Remember, courage is not the absence of fear.
It is moving forward in its presence—with clarity, conviction, and support.
What do you recommend for nurturing a CONTINUOUS LEARNING mindset in an organization?
To foster continuous learning, start by transforming your organization into a Secure Base.
This means creating a CULTURE where people feel both SAFE and INSPIRED TO STRETCH.
Safety comes from trust, psychological comfort, and meaningful relationships.
Stretch comes from being challenged to grow, take risks, and explore new ideas.
This culture doesn’t emerge from policies—it emerges from people, especially LEADERS who MODEL LEARNING, CURIOSITY, AND VULNERABILITY.
Peter Senge’s concept of the “LEARNING ” aligns deeply with Secure Base Leadership. Senge identified systems thinking, personal mastery, mental models, shared vision, and team learning as key disciplines.
I believe these thrive only when underpinned by EMOTIONAL SAFETY and the COURAGE TO DARE.
Start small.
Leaders should share what they’re learning, ask their teams what insights they’re gaining, and make reflection part of the routine.
Ultimately, you create a culture of learning not through mandates, but through MODELING. When people see you embracing mistakes, asking questions, and growing out loud, they’ll do the same.
A SKILL MISMATCH between an individual and their role can generate frustration and anxiety. How can we help to stay motivated and committed to improvement?
Skill mismatch leads to one of the most silent yet dangerous forms of disengagement: QUITE DESPAIR. People don’t always speak up when their work doesn’t align with their strengths—they just begin to emotionally check out.
As a leader, it’s your responsibility to spot this early and step in, not with critique but with curiosity.
“What parts of your role drain you?” “What work excites you?”.
Then, co-create stretch assignments that align with their potential.
Offer feedback through the lens of belief: “I see this strength in you. Let’s find a way to use it more.”
MOTIVATION comes when people feel they are developing toward a future that excites them—not just performing for survival.
And remember, a Secure Base Leader always looks for potential, even when it’s buried beneath disengagement.
When people feel seen and believed in, they start to see possibility in themselves again.
That’s where transformation begins.
How can we help people overcome fear and use AI technologies effectively?
The rise of AI presents both opportunity and fear: people worry about not being able to keep up and being replaced. To lead through this, we must DOUBLE DOWN ON HUMAN CONNECTION.
A Leader must help their team focus not just on what AI can do, but on what only humans can do—EMPATHY, CREATIVITY, RELATIONSHIP, INTUITION.
These are the AREAS WE NOW MUST GROW EVEN MORE.
We create safety by being transparent: explain why AI is being adopted and how it can support—not replace—people. Provide TRAINING not just on the tool, but on the MINDSET: “What new value can I bring now that this task is automated?”
Frame the change as an OPPORTUNITY FOR REINVENTION, and guide people through the emotional transition with care. Ultimately, your presence and reassurance will mean more than any technical tutorial.
When people feel anchored to a secure base, they are ready to face the unknown
Have you ever been guided by someone who cared about you, freed you from your fears that held you back, made you feel safe and comfortable, and inspired you to dare yourself and achieve goals you once viewed as impossible?
Absolutely: Dan, my mentor during one of the most formative moments of my life. It was during a hostage situation in 1968, early in my career.
I HAD SCISSORS AT MY THROAT, and Dan had asked me to step in.
I was terrified, and when it was over, I erupted at him: “How dare you send me in there!”
But Dan simply responded, “George, you were the right person.”
That moment transformed my life.
He believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.
He didn’t just give me responsibility—he gave me CONFIDANCE.
He treated me as an equal, not as a junior. He stayed calm. He saw potential in me I couldn’t yet see. In that moment, Dan was my Secure Base.
His presence, calmness, and belief became an inner voice I still hear in moments of challenge: “YOU CAN DO THIS”.
His leadership style embodied everything I later formalized in the concept of Secure Base Leadership and this experience is why I’m so passionate about helping others becoming Secure Bases. I’ve lived the transformation it can create.
Leadership is about shaping lives, not just driving outcomes.
What inspired you to write Care to Dare?
Have you received any surprising feedback from readers?
If you were to rewrite the book today, would you change anything?
Care to Dare was born from a lifetime of experiences—in clinical psychology, in hostage negotiations, and in boardrooms around the world.
I saw PATTERNS.
Whether someone was a CEO, a negotiator, or a victim of trauma, the principles were the same: human beings thrive when they feel safe and are inspired to grow.
I wanted to share this framework with anyone ready to lead with both courage and care.
And yes, the response has surprised me—not because I doubted the principles, but because it confirmed how deeply PEOPLE CRAVE CONNECTION, TRUST, AND PURPOSE.
That hunger is universal.
One of the most touching pieces of feedback came from a senior executive who said “This book helped me feel human again.”
Another told me it helped him rebuild trust with his estranged daughter.
That’s when I knew the message was transcending leadership—it was touching lives.
If I were to rewrite the book, I might focus even more on the role of SELF-COMPASSION and EMOTIONAL RECOVERY in leadership.
Those are themes that the world is ready to embrace deeply.
Your metaphor of being a psychological HOSTAGE to your own life has created a new framework for leadership. Would you elaborate on that for us?
Being a hostage is not just a physical state—it’s a psychological condition.
I’ve seen people with no literal captors live their lives in fear, trapped by old wounds, toxic relationships, or internal narratives.
That’s the “HOSTEGE MINDSET.”
It’s when you feel powerless, unable to change your situation, stuck in passivity or fear—even when you technically have choices.
The antidote is Secure Base Leadership.
It’s how we free ourselves and others from hostage dynamics.
Leaders can unknowingly hold people hostage with FEAR, CONTROL, or CRITICISM—or they can LIBERATE them by offering safety, inspiration, and challenge.
The metaphor resonates because everyone has felt stuck at some point.
My work is about giving people the tools and the courage to break free.
Understanding the hostage dynamic empowers leaders to create CULTURE OF EMPOWERMENT of empowerment, not control.
It’s not just about managing people—it’s about setting them free to become who THEY ARE CAPABLE OF BEING.
What in your experience has proven to be most effective in creating a positive mindset and making desired change happen?
The most effective tool is the power of the MIND’S EYE—the ability to focus attention.
What we focus on expands.
A Secure Base helps a person direct their focus toward growth, possibility, and strength, rather than fear, failure, or limitation. Change happens when we shift our perspective and start seeing our potential instead of our problems.
And change is sustained through relationships. NO ONE CHANGE ALONE. It takes bonding, dialogue, and consistent affirmation.
When a leader reflects your strengths, challenges your limits, and stays by your side through struggle, your mindset shifts.
This is not magic—it’s neuroscience, psychology, and love in action.
So, if you want to lead change—START WITH THE WAY PEOPLE SEE THEMSELVES. Then help them see more.
That’s the heart of leadership. That’s how you help people care to dare.
Cosa vuol dire essere OSTAGGIO psicologico della propria vita?
Essere ostaggio non è soltanto uno stato fisico, è anche una condizione psicologica. Ho visto persone senza alcun “carceriere” vivere la propria vita nella paura, imprigionate da vecchie ferite, relazioni tossiche o loro narrazioni interiori.
Questo è l’atteggiamento da ostaggio: ti senti impotente, incapace di cambiare la tua situazione, bloccato nella passività o nella paura anche se tecnicamente hai delle scelte.
L’antidoto è liberarci e liberare gli altri dalle dinamiche da ostaggio.
Di qui la mia idea di “Secure Base Leadership”. Perché i leader possono, anche inconsapevolmente, tenere in ostaggio le persone con la PAURA, il CONTROLLO, il RICHIAMO o possono invece possono RENDERLE LIBERE offrendo sicurezza, ispirazione e sfida.
La metafora colpisce perché tutti almeno per una volta ci siamo sentiti bloccati e il mio lavoro consiste nel dare alle persone gli strumenti e il coraggio per liberarsi.
Comprendere questa dinamica permette ai leader di creare CULTURE DI EMPOWERMENT e non di controllo. Non si tratta soltanto di gestire persone ma di renderle libere di diventare CIÒ CHE SONO CAPACI DI ESSERE.
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